Dude, I am just f***ed up. I have to complete this task before midnight and I am nowhere near completion. If I don't submit it on time, my boss would ask me for my resignation. OMG! I am supposed to take my friend out for dinner. I can't cancel it too. I just don't know, what should I do? Everything is so important and has popped up at the same time.Oh god! It is the problem for life. I have been like this since 11th grade. Kota culture runs through the blood. As I was excessively busy preparing for my entrance exam, I didn't make any friends at that time, just a few acquaintances. Getting into IIT was the dream. And I worked so much to make it come true. Finally, I got my dream college. But by the time I got into college I was habituated to working hard and the keep-yourself-busy lifestyle. Calling myself a workaholic became a matter of pride at times. I never gave myself any chance to change. I had got two projects in the first year itself. Perfect 10 pointer. Foreign internships. Life used to revolve around these small aims and some wing-mates, most of them were acquaintances. I kept myself so occupied that I didn't find any time to talk to my love. I was always afraid by the thought that I won't be able to devote any time for us. I never realized the importance of having an active social life. At least now I really need to have a good work-life balance.
Sometimes I wonder am really that busy? Or am I just running away from something? Some emotional drama? Or being too secretive about my life? Not opening up to people around me just to avoid the fear of losing them? Or is it just me who wants this kind of life? People say being busy is just a state of mind and you are never too busy for the people you truly care about. What if I don't care about people anymore? I know it's selfish and unreasonable, but what if I am like that?Truly, at this point of time I have a guard that I can't pull down for anybody. It's that I am afraid of losing people. Sometimes I unknowingly push away those who want to take care of me. I am a loner. And I hate that. I generally don't get excited about anything because if I do I hold this fear of not getting it. I'm twisted, I know that. I don't generally open up. It hurts people around me. And I truly feel terrible about it. Damn! I want to change. I want to change for the better. I hope someday, someone will break the wall around my heart & free me from this monotonous life. Someday! Someone!
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